So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
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Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
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i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"