I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?