My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
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I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.