I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.