I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
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i used baking grease as lip gloss
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?