My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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