did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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