good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
