He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
