There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
