are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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