he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
