i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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