No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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