i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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