Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize