Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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