she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
