Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
