I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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