yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
