am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
