The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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