she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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