I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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