I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
