i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
