Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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