We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
