Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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