I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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