Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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