she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
