you traded sex for a burrito?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
