i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
