I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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