I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
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She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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