Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I think i got beer on your cat.
And then he peed in my hair
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