i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
