he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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