Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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