so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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