VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
