making cat noises will not fix the situation.
and she was petting her beer can
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
