You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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