I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
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