Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize