He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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