Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
