the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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