in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
