I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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