She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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