i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
