I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have already put on my inside pants.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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