You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
