It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
