you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize