Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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