Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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