all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
