My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
love makes seman taste better
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
