your room smells of hookers.
And success
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
