I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize