I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
