There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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