put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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